If anyone would have told me that I
could get through nine years without
you, I would never have believed them.
I really don't know where all of that
time has gone. My heart still aches
for you, I still cry, I miss you like
crazy, and I think of you so very
much. I wish we could turn back the
clock and you would have never had to
leave us. I wish I could erase this
date from the calendar.
used to love fall so much...but now
its just not the same. I still love
all of the colors, but the season has
lost so much now that you left us. I
still write to you often...but not
every day like I used to.
I had a nurse in
the hospital this time who reminded me
of you. We seemed to hit it off and
she was so nice.
She was pretty and she mostly wore a
ponytail like you did.
I feel so old now,
Heidi...so old and sick. I don't want
to feel that way but I do. You used to
make me feel young. You used to make
me laugh. No matter how down in the
dumps I was...you could make me laugh.
am sure that you get a laugh out of
your Sadie, Heidi. She is such a good
kitty Heidi. She doesn't like riding
in the truck when we go camping and
makes herself heard...but she loves it
when we are camping and she has all
those windows to look out of.
have a feeling that I was coming to a
head with my heart failure all
summer...I just never felt good. Never
in a million years did I think I would
have heart disease. I guess it will
never get better and I will just have
to live with that. God gives us our
crosses to bear...I just didn't think
I would have so many.
I am concerned that
I won't be able to work anymore. I
have to wait and see all of my Dr's to
know what they think is best. I never
wanted to have to quit like this...my
career was very important and to have
to end it because I am sick just
crushes me. I wanted to retire with a
happy note...everything planned and
everyone happy. I have my clients who
are my friends...truly. I would never
hurt them or walk out on them. I just
hope that they know that and that I am
not in control right now. When I
hear that they are going somewhere
else it just crushes me because I
should be there for them. I
only do what is
physically able for me.
My family has been there for me so
much...Scott was there every night at
the hospital (even though he was sick
himself), and of course, Daddy was
there from morning till night (I could
see how tired he was in his eyes), my
cousins were there so much...my
sisters called nearly every single
day...I thank God for my family. I am