Dearest Heidi,
Its the same, you know...the hurt, the loneliness for you. The change in our lives
that cannot be fixed...it has been implanted into our souls. When the Holidays
come, the pain comes rushing in again...full force. Its hard all of the time, but
the Holidays and all that they once meant, have turned into something
dreaded...something sad...not happy. The tears and the pain of not having you
here is just excruciating. All of the traditions, the fun and the laughter just hurts
in our hearts full fold. We try to smile and remember...but remembering just lets
us realize that you are not here to celebrate with us...
We realize again that our hopes and dreams as parents will never be fulfilled.
You're laughter and happiness and how you loved your family...taken. In a
blink...just taken away. That cannot be fixed...never.
I don't know what we would have done the past 8 years without your brother,
Scott. He is such a good son and he misses you as much as Daddy and I. He has
been here for Daddy and I. You would be proud of him, Heidi. You were always
proud of your brother...you idolized him.
How would we ever had even dreamed that you would be taken from us...its
almost inconceivable. How could such a loved and wanted daughter be taken
away from us? You loved us so much and we love you so much.
So many people take things for granted...I suppose we took it for granted
too...that you would always be here. Parents are not supposed to bury their
children. So, why was that fateful day in October meant to take you away from
us forever? No parent could love their child as much as we loved you, Heidi.
You were our sunshine...our laughter...our future.
We celebrate the birth of our Savior on this day, but we also grieve the loss of our
precious daughter. Somehow the loss of you is so very prevalent.
We get up on Christmas Day and instead of being happy... we go to the
cemetery...to leave you flowers of love...wreaths to show how much we love you.
We leave a beautiful wreath at your grave on Christmas Eve, and your brother
has his own wreath to show his unending love. I have never seen a sadder
picture than your brother Scott standing at your grave site crying. It rips me
up...if only we could have done something to save you...

 We love you
Heidi...more than words could ever say. I know you are with our Savior...that's
all I know. Merry Christmas Heidi. Know that we love you more than life
itself....

I pray every single day that we will be together again...
All of our love for eternity, Mom, Dad, and Scott