How can I put into words how much we miss you Heidi? How can I put into words how much we love you? This is the third Christmas without you. The first Christmas we were numb. You left us less than two months before. Last year I don't even remember all that well, which is good because all Dad and I want to do now is "get through the day". Dreading the Holidays coming...anxious to get beyond them. Our hearts are still so broken, and so is our spirit. Remembering you and Scott on Christmas mornings is one of the treasured memories we keep so safe and fresh in our hearts. Now we seem to live on those memories...that's all we have now. Nothing can ever come close to making us that happy ever again.
The laughter that would "ring" in our home, the songs and the baking...all of the preparation ~ shopping, keeping "secrets" of what we had bought. All safe memories to have in our hearts forever. Now we feel like we are on the outside looking in at the parents with their children and their grandchildren. Everyone happy. I do remember that happiness...that too is a treasured memory. 
Shying away...wearing our masks in public because people "get tired" of our grief. Just half listening people trying to be polite. "Safe" is home...where we shared so many of our memories. Its there where Dad and I can be ourselves. We can cry, we can talk about when you were here, and talk about our cherished memories.
We still haven't figured out what else we have to do here before we join you in heaven, Heidi. Maybe we will never know. Maybe we will just "do it" and never even know. So many Moms and Dads tell me that they find comfort here on your website, and that somehow it helps them. Those are Mom's and Dad's who know our pain...for they too have lost a child. I want to shout to people..."Until you have walked in my shoes. Stop! Don't criticize me or tell me how I should grieve or that I should "get on with my life", or I must have faith. We have gotten on with our lives...the best we can...and we have much more faith than you know...We  just choose to keep our prayers and beliefs to ourselves." Where and how  we pray is between us  and God. We have to have faith or we wouldn't be able to stand it! We know that we will see our Heidi again one day in heaven. Some say that "it" gets easier with time...some say it doesn't. We are all different, and we all grieve different. Oh, how we miss you Heidi...our beautiful little girl.  We love you so very very much...with every beat of our hearts and every breath that we take.   For Eternity,
Mom & Dad
 
2003
 
  Everything is the same. We cry at the sound of Christmas carols, we still miss you so much...so much Heidi! How do we get through another year without you? Sometimes it seems almost unbearable...like we can't do it again! But somehow we seem to get through...only to face another day without you. People think that everything is better...but they don't want to take the time to hear the real story. They really don't want to know the pain that is in our hearts.  I can't say as if I blame them, so I try to keep a stiff upper lip while out in public. Its the riding to and from work in the car and hearing Christmas songs, or stopping at a store and only seeing all the Christmas decorations, or listening to the joy and laughter that so many families are experiencing...we used to have fun like that...but its gone now. Why did this have to happen? Why do any parents ever have to experience this kind of pain? How can that be right?  How can that be ?  We miss you our dearest Heidi...more than we could ever express in words...ever!!!  We love you for eternity...Mom, Daddy & Scott
The Rose

Just like a beautiful, long-stemmed rose, 
Her precious memory grows and grows,
Touching the hearts of all of those she loved.

And like the fragrance of that same rose,
Her love, so sweet, still flows and flows,
Filling our lives with a warmth that shows she's there.

So like the forever-blooming rose, 
The beauty she shared eternally glows,
For deep in our hearts, each of us knows
She lives!
(Author Unknown)
A Face In The Clouds


I looked towards the clouds today
and for a moment saw your face
And wondered just were you have gone
with a hope it's a better place

Did you show yourself to me today
to tell me you're alright?
Or was it just a daydream
playing tricks upon my sight

Then I thought of when you left
you did not say a word
No hugs and kisses..
no good-bye was heard

You have changed our lives forever
Your time here not in vain
and hope you know we always tried
to keep you safe from pain

We will always feel the void inside
because you are not here
But each new thought you send our way
let's us know you're always near

So until our journey nears it's end
And we hear the angels sing
We'll face each new day as it comes
and live off the love you bring
Author Unknown
 


Someday... 
Like grains of sand
Slipping through our hands,
Life slips away.

Looking for a better tomorrow,
And hoping for a better today.
Loved ones won't be gone forever;
We will see them again.

Someday we will be together,
We just don't know when
Time will ease this pain 
That we are feeling today.

Life is about change.
That will never go away.
Saying goodbye,
Knowing that things have to come to an end,
Is not an easy thing to do,
Especially when you have to say it to your child.

Author Unknown
 
When we lose our parents we lose our past.
When we lose our spouse or sibling we lose our present.
When we lose our child we lose our future. 

When we lose our parents, we are orphans,
When we lose our spouse, we are widows or widowers,
But there is no word for a parent who has lost their child....
....
 
Do tears blur the colors of Christmas lights 
and carols make you sigh? 
Are you saddened because it's Christmas 
and I am not nearby? 
Do you think of all the joyous times 
we shared in seasons past? 
Does the ache feeling overwhelming 
seem like it will always last? 

Please don't weep for me. 
Know this Christmas is my best. 
At this Christmas dinner 
I'm seated with the honored guest 
If the tears you cry are for you, 
lonely without me today 
to share this year's season, 
then listen to what I say. 

God's gift that first Christmas 
was much more than His son. 
He gave to us the promise 
of eternal life for everyone. 
Now that I've gone on and received 
that promised gift of life, 
I'm very much a part of 
the Christmas spirit light. 

I'm the angel sitting on top of 
a decorated tree 
And a simple Christmas carol 
sung by a child so reverently. 
I'm the Santa on the corner 
standing and ringing his bell. 
I'm in that Christmas Eve story 
that you know so well. 
I'm in every sight and sound 
that brings people Christmas joy. 
I'm a smile on the face of a child 
who received a much loved toy. 

Now that I'm part of the season 
we loved and shared so much, 
Close your eyes, think of me. 
Reach out and feel my touch. 
Please share in all the joy I'm feeling 
being a part of Christmas cheer. 
Look around and you'll find me. 
Joyous Christmas, for I am near. 

Cheri' C. Bown 
used with permission

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I can't thank my dearest friend Rose Mary enough for this page. She is truly a good friend.    I love you Rose Mary!

 

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